Where to begin?
Friday, December 31, 2004 at 11:36AMOkay, a not so short synopsis of the back end of my trip to Colorado:
Day before endless drive
Hung out with my family. Mom ended up sick and exhausted. Melissa (my sister) and the kids came up in the afternoon. Ran over to Sam's and then P.F. Chang's to have lunch. While jabbering with Melissa, I glance over and notice this woman who is sitting with her legs spread-eagle and giving everyone in the restaurant a view of her panties. Of course, immediately I wanted to laugh and point, but I refrained and just whispered carefully over the table to my sister. She glances over, then looks back at me like she wants to poke her eyes out with her chopstick.
Road Warrior
On the road at 6 a.m. Miles and miles of wheat fields lay before me. Finally, a mere 6 hours or so later, I hang a right at Salina and head south. 2 minutes later, the radio announces a big wreck that shut down parts of I-70 (the highway I just left).
From Wichita to Tonkawa, Oklahoma I try to shake Idiot #1. I have my cruise button set at a steady speed, but Idiot #1 insists on traveling either 1 mph hour faster or one mph slower than me - it all depends on whether I just passed him or he passed me. I finally just put the pedal to the metal and drop him like a hot potato. I would have lost him sooner, but traffic wouldn't allow for such maneuvering.
I finally make it in to my grandparents' place and visit for about an hour. Then I travel a mere 6 miles down the road and visit my other grandmother, my aunt and cousin. It is this visit that deserves a chapter unto itself.
Grandma to my Aunt: So how's the diet going? Have you lost any more weight?
Aunt: Well, I've lost another two pounds.
Me: That's great!
Aunt: (yelling to cousin in the kitchen who is searching for something in the fridge) RUB YOUR EAR!! RUB YOUR EAR!!!
Me: (to self) Rub your ear? What the hell?
Me: (to aunt) Rub your ear? What?
Aunt: We got our ears stapled to help us lose weight. Anytime you're hungry, you just rub your ear where the staple is and it triggers that pressure point to suppress your appetite. It's all the rage in Texas. (to cousin) Go show her your staple.
Me: (wondering why I live in Texas and have never heard of this)
Me: (looking at said staple) Whoa.
Me: Is that, like, a regular staple?
Aunt: No, it's a surgical staple. I've got my cosmetology license, so I've been searching for a gun to do it for others around here.
Me: (Surveying living room at everyone rubbing their ears and staring back at me with wild eyes. Have eerie feeling that I've entered some weird weight loss cult. Begin slowly backing out of the living room...)
Moving on
I finally get back on the road at about 7 p.m. and head towards Big D. About 20 or 30 minutes into my trip, and about 4 cars ahead of me, there is a head on collision and a car is laying flipped over on the grassy median. People start spilling from trucks and cars to help pull the person out of the car without luck. It made me choke up. Minutes later, I see a 2 fire engines, 4 cops, and a couple of ambulances. I just pray everyone made it out that okay.
Later, on the other side of Oklahoma City, around Norman, I encounter Idiot #2. What is it with these people? I think this guy might be drunk, because he just hangs on my bumper forever, slightly swerving, slowing down, then speeding back up to catch me. Again, I finally step on it to lose this guy, as his headlights and questionable sobriety were disturbing.
The Arbuckles
This is my favorite part of Oklahoma. I remember my Geology class studied this area and even took a field trip there. I don't know, maybe that's why I like them so much. Makes me kind of sad to think how this dying mountain range is so old and was once as impressive as the Rockies are now. Anyhow, the drive through this area is gorgeous. Jeff and I used to go camping in the Arbuckles up at Turner Falls Park. I had my moon roof open, and the stars were shining like crazy.
Texas, Our Texas, All Hail the Mighty State
Well, I know this story has been long and at times dull, so I'll make this short. Immediately after I crossed the Red River, my eyes started to glaze over, and the drive just became unbearable. I had listened to Interpol over and over and over, and discovered I also really love the song "Narc" as well as a couple of others. I had also had it with talk radio and just wanted to get home. I finally made it at close to 11:00 and immediately crawled into bed and fell asleep.
So did I really say that I enjoyed car trips by myself? Shoot me. Shoot me now.
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